David Shapley CCH
Homeopathic Practitioner in Dallas, Texas
First, let us define confidence. Confidence is certainty in our capacity to do, to be, to will, and to have. Confidence has two fundamental poles. On one side is confidence of who you are, on the other side is confidence that you can do.
Confidence in your self as an identity is developed through identifying with positive role models, good parenting, which results in a self feeling that you are a good person worthy of love, acceptance and inclusion. Confidence in what you can do is developed by learning tasks and skills, building on them and putting them to effective use. When this process doesn't take place, there will be issues, so we need to know what impedes this process.
Each of us comes into life with a predisposition to be either confident or unconfident in general or in specific areas. This is the part which is well addressed with Homeopathic remedies. However, in this heavily success and failure, money and power based age, there are external factors which can limit in the most confident person by nature. Now days people suffer from crippling lack of self confidence due to unrealistic and un-natural standards being presented to them. It's now multigenerational and it's getting worse with each generation. Here, I'm going to list the external factors I'm seeing which are feeding this cycle of destruction of confidence.
1. Children are being born into a time when the purveyors of marketing want everyone to fit into molds. Parents were also raised to fit into the moulds and so therefore are reinforcing these molds on their children. The first mold is the standard of beauty or cuteness. Children who fit more closely with these standards will be treated more positively by their parents, relatives, peers and educators. Those who do not will often fall into the trap of negative self talk which leads to lack of confidence in their identity which leads to manifesting even more unattractive characteristics and behaviors. This will lead to feelings of exclusion and injustice which will result in withdraw and escapism. Parents need to be very careful to not hold their children to these narrow prepackaged standards. They need to treat their children with equal love and cherishing and teach and set an example that beauty of character is what leads to happiness and not the drama roller coaster ride of superficial fleeting physical appearance.
2. People are being held to impossible standards of performance. It begins with exposure to the mythologies presented in the entertainment industry about heroes and villains, winners and losers, success and failure. As children grow older and find they don't have the capacity or talent to meet these mythical standards they lose confidence and motivation. Little boys find they aren't sports heroes and little girls find they aren't beautiful pop stars. Then in school they are expected to work and perform at levels exceeding what adult professional are expected to achieve in the form of constant study and preparation for exams. Every child gets the message that the only options in the world are to be doctors and engineers. Parents reinforce this, pressuring their children to be little sports heroes and test takers who must excel and outperform their peers in the rat race. Parents need to be sensitive and observant to see their children's unique inclinations and talents and encourage the development of those and don't force their children to be cooky cutter performers. They should be encouraged, not with delusions of success and failure, but with enthusiasm in learning and developing from mistakes, being humble magnanimous with achievement along with being happy for the achievements or others. Children should be encouraged to use their imaginations, to play in nature, and discover. They shouldn't be forced into institutional environments at an age where they should still be close to their homes, parents and family members. They should never receive the message that decent, honest hard working people deserve contempt because they aren't doctors, engineers or some other narrow definition of success.
3. Of the biggest obstacles to the development of confidence in capacity to due is the rise screen addiction. Confidence in capacity to do is developed by successfully performing tasks and developing skills. This requires developing the ability to direct attention, to calmly practice and repeat things until they become second nature. It begins with every day things like tying shoes and getting dressed and then moves to motor coordination in activities and development of artistic skill. This also includes socialization skills in relating and communicating with others. I see over and over again, this epidemic of children of school age who won't speak more than a word or two, who won't make eye contact, who can't pay attention or sit still. However, they can keep their heads down on screen and play elaborate video games at hours on end. Their lives consist of playing video games and watching T.V. and going to school where they barely function. They don't have friends, they don't go outside to play, they don't have any interest or skill, they can't connect socially, thus they have no confidence in themselves. On top of this the games have rewired their brains to be at the speed of fighting and killing zombies or blowing up tanks on the battle field while their bodies remain disengaged and passive. They can't relate to the slower pace of peaceful every day life. Obviously, parents need to ban these activities in their homes. Children should be developing activities which develop mind body coordination and social skills. They should be enrolled in age and inclination appropriate activities such as, music, sports, dance, martial arts, other arts, crafts and skills.
4. The final obstacle which is the king of all others are the changes in parenting approaches over the last 50 years. Case and point; When I was a child, I was never asked what I wanted to eat. The food was put on the table and that was that. Now, over and over, I see parents who are ruled by their children's whims. They tell me their child won't eat anything but sweets and junk food. When I investigate, it almost always turns out that these parents have raised their children to believe they should have what ever makes them feel good for the moment. Parents begin by thinking it's cute to ask their children what they want, what they would like, how it should be, let them make the decisions as if they had the maturity and knowledge to know. When I ask why don't you do what is healthy and wholesome, they look at me with utter and complete anguish and defeat and express how they can't bear to hear their child cry or be sad because they didn't get what they wanted. Their children have been taught and have learned how to put their parents into this defeated state and give in to the whim. I see parents cave in merely on the declaration from the child that "you are a bad parent for not giving me X". This path begins with food, then to T.V. and video games, then to major parent appropriate decision and ends in lack of age appropriate development, lack of confidence or arrogance, and anti social behavior. Parents should only allow for what is wholesome in their house and ban what is unwholesome. Parents need to be crystal clear that little children are at a stage where immediate gratification and pleasure predominate and that parents must establish that keeping the big picture discipline and structure in place is their duty. It isn't parent's duty to make children like them by giving them what ever they want. Parents must understand that children need to know parents won't negotiate their whims for unwholesome indulgence and behavior. They need to know that their parents aren't pawning them off to unwholesome indulgence in junk food, T.V. and video games just so parents won't feel bothered. They need parents attention, guidance and encouragement to develop self esteem and confidence, like helping them with school assignments, playing motor skill games with them, teaching them good manners and social skills, pointing out the benefits of positive actions and the consequences of negative actions.
Once lack of confidence had become ingrained and carried to adult life, along with appropriate Homeopathic treatment, I guide patients to examine their own mind, belief systems and conclusions about themselves which perpetuate the cycle of unconfidence. I lead them to the awareness that those one size fits all conclusions aren't true and don't need to be agreed with any more. Through targeted affirmations and practices, patients can establish a positive sense of self and know they have the capacity to learn and do and also accept that we don't all have the same capabilities and that we can be ok with who we are anyway. The goal is to transcend delusion of success and failure so you can manifest your true authentic nature.
I know that some may be reading this and cringing because it is pointing out deep rooted habitual patterns many of us suffer from which are epidemic in this day and time. It needs to be bluntly stated because too many of us are living crippled handicapped lives due to stunted self confidence. Homeopathic treatment can be very helpful in miasmatic confidence issues, but for it to work at the deepest level the above mentioned obstacles need to be mitigated as much as is possible. If you have been feeling unconfident in certain situations or your children are lacking confidence feel free to click the contact me tab below an schedule you free 30 minute phone consultation to see if Homeopathy will be helpful in getting unstuck from this affliction.